I had the most profound
dream last night and am anxious to write about it now while its power still
lingers within me – though I have a feeling this is one of those dreams that I
will never forget and that will stay with me forever….
In my dream I was with a
friend of mine who lives in New York
– I’ll just use her first initial. So R and I and another friend that I can’t
pinpoint exactly who – she was kind of a conglomeration of a few of my
girlfriends – the three of us were climbing the Statue of Liberty. I have never
been to the Statue of Liberty – seeing it on a ferry ride many years ago on a
music biz trip is the closest I’ve got to it. So I’m not sure how people get to
the crown on the top or what it looks like but in my dream there was a steep
set of stone stairs and we climbed those stairs like one would climb rocks or a
mountain – using our hands to help lift ourselves higher and higher. It was
tough and highly laborious and through the dream, I could feel the challenge
within every inch of my being. But throughout the climb, I remember feeling
determined and I remember feeling as though I had to push through to get to the
top.
When we finally arrived at the
top, it was like we had to crawl up through a cave or a tunnel and jump onto a
platform and once we did, so strange that I can recall my physical feelings in
this dream… I felt all at once tired, completely beat-up, and accomplished.
Despite our exhaustion, we had it in us to feel exalted and jump for joy! It
was beautiful and extremely powerful. Of course one funny reality thing in this
dream was that I kept saying I needed to take a photo of us up there! Ha ha –
anyone who knows me would not be surprised by that aspect!
When I awoke from this
dream, not only did I feel incredibly rested (kind of a rare occurrence this
past year) but I immediately knew what this dream represented… You see it was a
year ago this week that I was officially diagnosed with the Lymphoma. Actually
last week on November 15 marked a year since my biopsy where I was told by the
surgeon that it was Lymphoma but on November 15 of this year I spent the day in
bed with a horrendous migraine and sick stomach, which I’m now thinking was a
virus of some sort because I felt so ill and I heard of others who had the
exact symptoms on that day. It felt a bit unsettling to be in bed that day as
between feeling sick with the head and stomach, my right side of my neck, where
my lymph node is, has been feeling full and off and on in slight pain. It has
been a concern and anxiety of mine for the past two weeks and though people try
to reassure me and I want to believe it’s not the nightmare returning, I can’t
help but feel uneasy when I recall where I was a year ago and how this whole
thing began. (I did see my oncologist/hematologist and though he did feel
something he wasn’t overly concerned because my blood work was normal so it was
the whole “keep an eye on it and call me if you need to” type thing until my
next scan in February). But back to the dream….I’ve always wanted to visit the
Statue of Liberty and I always feel exhilarated when I go to New York so this
dream stirs those feelings up but more than anything, no matter where the dream
took place, I know what it symbolized: My struggle and battle this past year,
my climb to beat this thing and climbing Lady Liberty at that – how perfect!
Achieving freedom from what cancer or other diseases do to you is a challenge
in and of itself and after going through this, it’s a struggle to find that
freedom from worry or fear but there is hope and determination and that’s what
fuels my battle and my climb up the Statue of Liberty!
