At first I missed the love…the
all-encompassing, fulfilling, what-felt-like unconditional love. The surprises,
the sweet dates, the slow build, the little secrets, the comfort, the having
someone that you eventually know you can trust with your entire being….
Then it crashed…hard, painfully,
blindsidedly, confusingly – to this day. A wreak of havoc within the heart and
soul and body.
Then a year and a half
passed – and a year to discovering I was lied to and cheated on and that he was
already engaged a mere three months after our three-year relationship ended but
at that time, last fall, I was a little busy fighting for my life and
perspective changed and I decided to put the past and negativity behind me. My
mind and soul needed to be directed on getting well and battling the health
demon.
But there is a pain that
creeps upon you when you’re alone and quiet and I had many, many days where
fighting meant lying on a couch all day saving your energy for doctor
appointments and chemo sessions and in those moments sometimes that hurt crept
up, that knowledge of a wedding date that wasn’t mine. But today as that date
nears I realized the things I DON’T miss. Yes, many things I truly don’t miss
and you know what? I am okay. I’m smiling as I write this. Some situations we
live with are choices we made and some are the result of somebody else’s
choices. Either way, it’s all in how you live with it – or happily without it.
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